Hatchet
The Dubious and Mildly Shocking "Return" of the Slasher Film
Warning, may contain a few spoilers!
Hatchet is the first full length feature by fresh director Adam Green. Green defines his ow
n movie as a return to the gore and conventions of early-eighties slasher films. However, Hatchet plays more as a noble but homogenized low quality copy. This is a shame since the production company’s energy and youthfulness really makes you want to like what they created. Hatchet’s weaknesses come at the hands of an inexperienced director that allowed his crew and actors too much free reign, confusing the plot and standardizing the look. Green says, in the special features, that his film is a slasher like the ones he loved as a kid, and since he is making such bombastic claims, we should look at how Hatchet matches up to those earlier greats.
First, boiling everything down to its most fundamental elements, what are the usual conventions of the 80’s slasher genre?
1 - A group of people, mostly young and hot, and against all warnings to the contrary, consciously travel to a place that has a gory and frightening past. The excitement of the trip serves as an aphrodiasc to some, a way to exact some sort of revenge, or the prospect of an end to a search for a loved one for others.
2 – The frightening and gory past involves the story of a deformed boy (or man) and/or a family of deviants. The deformed boy disappears under strange circumstances into murky town gossip. He grows up to become a gigantic, paranormal, muscle-bound, steroid-freak that, for an unknown reason, has found the alchemical secret to everlasting life and can not be killed under normal circumstances. He/It hunts over his land in order to mutilate each trespasser, one at a time, in progressively creative ways.
3 – Each person has a bloody and disgusting death sequence, progressively more cheesy and graphic than the one before.
4 - Boobies.
How does Hatchet do with the above clichés? Pretty well, but just because you follow the rules does not mean you understand how to play the game. Take the actors; there are a lot of them, w
hich is a positive thing for a slasher -- more bodies, more blood, more death, mwu- ha- ha- ha. In an interesting nod to Natural Selection the older actors are all killed off first, leaving the young and pretty ones to mate and survive (before most of them are also killed off, of course). The three older members of the tour group, all familiar television talent, are Joel Murray, Richard Riehle, and Patrika Darbo. These three work horse actors have been in literally every television show made since the beginning of the eighties. I am barely exaggerating on that point: Darbo herself was in Different Strokes, Growing Pains, and Punky Brewster just to name three.
The other older actors are Robert Englund, Tony Todd, and Kane Hodder, take a moment and look at their IMBD.com online resumes, they each have been in, or associated with, most of the good and bad slasher films since Nightmare on Elm Street. However, you must remember that, besides Kane Hodder (and you could at some length argue including Kane Hodder) these godfather actors appear in nothing more than glorified cameos. Robert Englund (who played Freddy Kruger, of course) opens the movie in the now over used, "kill a star in the opening scene" cliche. Tony Todd, who played Candyman (VH3543), of course, and has an amazing television career, is barely used in Hatchet. He delivers a monologue while standing in a doorway and wearing silly Madre Gras make-up. During that scene the camera is shooting in a tight medium shot which barely varies, Todd’s part is so small that he was probably on set for only one day. Do you know
how much Tony Todd is for one day? He can't be too costly -- I could probably afford him. I would make him walk around with me on UNCG campus wearing a scary cape. He would wait in line at
Having all these particular actors involved with Hatchet is nothing more than an instant way to lend eighties slasher street cred to the movie. Adam Green says he is going back to the slasher genre and proves it by parading out the usual suspects, and not only with those older actors -- all involved seemed chosen only because of the projects that they have been in, shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and films like Scream. The young actors have been in cult classics; they already lend their own type of street cred to the film. With those actors, the production company can then, in parentheses after the actors name, put the TV show or movie they acted in -- like Wes Craven and Joss Whedon gives Hatchet their blessings through the actors that act in it. NOT TRUE, I tells ya! Actors usually don't pick a film due to matching ideology (unless the actor is Sean Penn, of course), they pick a film due to two things: 1 - The size of the check. 2 - The size of the lines they deliver. And I am not being cynical (very cynical).
The movie may have the "right" actors in it, but the right slasher films should never have to worry about the right actors, great slasher films make the careers of the actors and crew, the actors do not make the reputation of the film. Cameos are fine -- they can be fun -- but filling up your main cast
with young B-level heavy weights is not the best of ideas. For Green, it is here that he begins to lose control; the young actors are all given too much freedom to improvise, completely breaking up the mood as you watch these people act in exaggerated, almost cartoon-ish tones.
The worst offender out of the “young” cast (Mercedes McNab, Tamara Feldman, Joel Moore, Parry Shen, and Joleigh Fioreavanti) is Deon Richmond, he runs about the screen in a ridiculous fashion, rolling his eyes in over exaggerated comedic stereotypes.
All of these actors are brought together by the annoying and incompetent leader of a late night ghost cruise (Parry Shen, looking oriental but sounding Creole – ha-ha!). The cruise goes by a cursed area which is banned for
visitors. The back story of this land, including the legend of Hatchet Face/Victor Crowley, sounds like something made up by a ten year old kid trying to scare his bunk mates at summer camp. Wait, actually that is exactly where the story came from, Adam Green admits it in the special features – he really came up with the story at summer camp! Unfortunately, over the years, he never fleshed out Hatchet Face (pun intended), he still is childish and shallow. I will not go into the story here, but the reason behind the freaks existence is flimsy as is his motivations for mutilating and killing. All the great psychopaths have deep reasons for their blood lust; Jason, who had an over-bearing mother, was constantly made fun of and allowed to drown, Freddy is avenging his death at the hands of incompetent parents by killing their precious children, Michael did bad things to his sister and family, escaping from the Asylum many years after to kill, Victor is retarded and someone hit him in the face with a hatchet – I mean, COME ON! You can do better than that Adam Green. Geez, just read a couple of chapters out of a General Psychology Textbook (unless College books have too many big words, for you), you can get some great back story there.
So, let’s summarize: for those first two slasher conventions Green seems to go over board in a desperate attempt to prove he knows what he’s doing. Instead of worrying about getting talent that reflects his oeuvre he should have concentrated on Victor Crowley’s creepiness. That is where the horror is and as a result the actors take too much control over the plot and cheapen it with their bro
ad television theatrics.
Now for the third convention, all that blood and gore. Green hired someone who has a long history as a special effects artist for many horror/slasher films, including a stint on Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade ( VH1507) and The Garbage Pail Kids -- his is John Carl Buechler. His effects are fun, cheesy and all very bloody. Honestly, the most blood I have seen in years. Blood sprays out of every wound in large forceful fountains. It’s quite fun and did remind me of those cheesy sequences in Scanners, Nightmare on
A big positive for Green there, but still not enough to make a totally engrossing film, Hatchet ends up becoming something you have on with a roomful of friends or while you are doing something else. I think that the more people you have watching this crapfest (is that word too opinionated?) with you the more fun it is. Especially if some of those people are queasy and not used to slashers, seeing their reaction to the hyper-graphic gore would be worth the rent.
Now on to genre convention number four – something I bet a few of you skimmed quickly to get to. Boobies.
The slasher genre is utterly known for its pointless misogyny towards its women characters. Often times the movies degrade into a masturbatory torture fantasy that embarrasses the audience and cheapens the film. Again, looking back on the best of the slasher movies will show you women that, although objectified, become powerful heroes in their capacity to survive against the “big, bad killer.” For Green, women are boobies and little else. Right after the opening cliché killing, there is an immediate jump cut to bare boobies. We are later introduced to Joel Murray’s character, who is making a “Girls Gone wild”-type video with McNab and Feldman. In a flimsy plot device McNab and Feldman kiss and show their boobies -- a lot -- then the killing starts and the boobies are put away. Which is a good thing (you won’t see me type that often), because the cheap booby shots become gratuitous and silly very quickly.
But, for all you booby lovers, Green gives them to you!
That’s all four conventions right? Wrong, I lied, there are five conventions -- the last one the most important. It is this – ATMOSPHERE!
To have a slasher or a horror film you must have the appropriate atmosphere. The night sequences need to be dark and grainy, the audience should not be looking at a well-lit forest. Hatchet looks like it was shot for television, it is common, bright and plain. For a true example of slasher atmosphere check out Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the original, not the juvenile remake, DV3448-3449), watch the sequences shot in the woods with the heroine running from the chainsaw-weilding maniac (which reminds me, Leatherface also has great motivations: mmmm, food). Tobe Hooper, a true slasher master, shot that part so dark that half the time you can not even make out what you are seeing, it's there that the horror starts, because your brain begins making things up. What your mind imagines is going to be infinitely more scary than what any filmmaker can bring to the screen.
Green however; seems more focused on showing where the budget went ("More light on the headless, bleeding torso!"), it’s obvious to anyone who has worked on a film set that Green had a great grip truck at his disposal. For this movie I think that is a bad thing, someone should have stolen the truck – it may have made Green come up with interesting and creative solutions that would have lent some atmosphere to the film. Hatchet desperately needs some, unless it was trying to be Scary Movie, but Green assures us he is making a slasher – maybe Adam Green got confused somewhere.
Adam Green, I know you tried hard, but as a fan of slasher films myself I think you might have tried too hard. Hatchet is a ship with no captain that quickly wrecks and rots. As a comedy it is not too funny, as a horror it is not at all scary, as a slasher there is some nice deaths, and as a booby movie – well, there are better booby movies on the internet.
Not that I am writing Adam Green off yet, I like his relationship with actor Joel Moore (who I thought was pretty passable in the lead role), and I think they will dig-up a true gem soon. Maybe Green and
We will find out in February when Spiral is released on DVD. Until then, check out Hatchet, watch it with your friends, then go back and watch all the eighties slasher films you can, you will get more out of the originals.
Here is a list from the TLC search engine:
Halloween VH2316, DV1188-1189, Freddy vs Jason VH11561, Piranha Part 2 VH11043, An American Werewolf in London VH10242, Suspira DV1204-1206, Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn VH8781, The Thing DV1003, Tobe Hooper's Lair of the White Worm (a must see, great effects!) VH8416, Ghoulies (with make-up effects by John Carl Buechler) VH2103, Nightmare on Elm Street VH2319, and the entire Elm St series: Freddy's Revenge VH2320, Dreamwarriors VH2336, Dream Master VH2335, Dream Child VH2334.
Check out Hatchet’s trailer!
Trivia: The shirt Joel Moore wears throughout the movie is from Newbury Comics, a famous North Eastern US comic book store chain. Visit Newbury Comics to see the smiley face bloodless.
What are your favorite slasher films and why? Leave a comment down below.
by Phoenix Mangus, obnoxious film nerd.
1 comment:
I am diggin on this review. It is EXACTLY the kind of detail I need to know when I am going to dive headfirst into B movie land. Finally a cynical bastid who gets movie madness.
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