Winners of the April/May contest!

Here are the wiener's for our last contest of the "normal" semester. Congrats! And thanks for everyone who participated. Some of the DVD's you all have asked for have already started coming in!

List of winners:

Winner of the framed Sweeney Todd poster:
Margaret H!

And we have two winners for the theater tickets, you get two tickets each:
Lisa Detlefsen and Laathe Martin

We will still be posting articles and contests over the summer, so check back often! Have a superb summer.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Movie Poster Giveaway!!!

In order to clean out for the summer, the TLC is giving away all of our old movie posters. None of these will be framed, plus they may have minor damage but they are perfect for hanging in your dorm, room, ear, whatever gets ya going.

This is first come, first serve. And there will be no exceptions made. To get the poster you want:

1- You must leave a comment and reserve the poster you want (please use your name). To be fair, the poster will go to the first person to reserve it, so you may want to write in an alternate choice.

2 -You can pick up your poster during the week of exams; Monday, May 12 - Friday, May 16.

Here is the list of posters available for the taking:

Saw IV
Joshua
Dan in Real Life
Sunshine
Hitman
Slueth
No Reservations
Before the Devil Knows You're Dead
AVP: Requim (Alien v/s Predator)
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox
Atonement
There Will Be Blood
Love in the Time of Cholera
In the Valley of Elah
Into the Wild (miniposter)
Dragon Wars

Make sure you leave a comment and keep reading the MovieBlog over the summer for more film reviews and interesting movie-related articles.

Have a great break!!!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

April's MovieBlog Prize

Over the summer, while all the normal people are on vacation, the TLC will still be going strong, we will be ordering and receiving movies the entire 3 months. For a chance to win this month's contest you just have to leave a comment with the ONE movie or TV show you REALLY want to see on our selves when you return to school in the fall.

We will (more than likely) acquire the media that you all leave comments about, but the winners of the comment contest will also win:

1 - A framed "Sweeney Todd" movie poster.
2 - Two tickets to a movie at the Carousel.
3 - Two tickets to a movie at the Carousel!

Think hard about that one thing you want us to get and leave a comment down below!!!

Sunday, April 6, 2008

The Greensboro ZombieCon 2008


Saturday March 29th, the undead descended on the unsuspecting Clarion Hotel in Greensboro. Although some came looking for fresh brains and warm human flesh,the majority were in attendance for the first Zombie-related convention to be held in Central North Carolina (as far as I know). Organized by Mark Bowers, the convention, according to Bower's blog, had over 500 people take part in the day’s unusual festivities.

Event organizer Mark Bowers.

I (Phoenix Mangus from Hey Ya’ll! Productions) had been invited to set up a table due to a little zombie-comedy film we have been spending a little under a year making called “Southern Undead: Attack of the Redneck Zombies.” We were there to promote the film as well as show approximately 10 minutes worth of footage, culled together from 10 tapes in less than a week. Our production company had only just begun editing our film but we still showed a little exposition and lots of machete-oriented zombie killing, including a little bit of gore and lots of zombies. At our table were many of the people who were producers and stars of the film, we had extras who played zombies in the mass downtown attack on Mebane, or were “featured zombies” come out and support us. It was great to see friends and meet new people who were interested in hearing about our silly project and the issues that arise in independent, community filmmaking.

Hey Ya'll! and Badger (second from left)

.Not too long after we had set up, Badger from Rotting Flesh Radio came up to introduce himself and get an interview, since we mostly concentrate on comedy and satire the interview ended up being quite fun. We talked about our battle with the Mebane City Council and a small band of local business owners who were against us shooting our film in the downtown area and how their attitude got us lots of press and finally, the go ahead to shoot what we wanted. Afterwards, Badger continued making the rounds, interviewing production company MadOne Films, Artist Thomas Boatwright, organizer Mark Bowers and many others. Rotting Flesh Radio is a horror industry show that is podcast multiple times weekly. Check it out and be virtually transported to the ZombieCon!

The convention space was full of all type of interesting vendors, lots of comic books, graphic novels, movie memorabilia, and t-shirts -- almost all with a zombie theme. UNCG’s own “Parts Unknown” (on Spring Garden, toward downtown G-boro) was also in attendance with comic book artist and Eisner Award Nominee John Hitchcock. There were even beautiful ladies making the rounds (like Vera VanMunster), shopping and enjoying the sights – mutilating the rumor than only nerds go to conventions (if they were nerds, they were HAWT nerds. Wowza!). Such is the power of the zombie genre, and those who are fans seem to intrinsically possess a tongue-in-cheek humor about life and death.

Another artist in attendance was Thomas Boatwright, the very talented, up and coming artist and creator of Cemetery Blues. The third issue has just been released from Image Comics. His style is fun, with lots of movement and humor, his art reminds me, to a degree, of Bill Watterson. Boatwright does his rough sketches on paper, scans them into Photoshop and finishes them digitally, placing in backgrounds and computer effects. Art fans should come to the next ZombieCon and meet him, I bought both released issues of Cemetery Blues, as well as two original pages, all happy signed by Boatwright. They are now framed and ready to be hung on my wall at home, that’s how sure I am he is going places.


Full shot and detail of one of the pages Boatwright sold me.






















The Mad Ones

Finally, MadOne Films had a table right beside us where they displayed special gore effects and sold copies of their film “The Devil’s Tramping Ground”. Throughout the day Hey Ya’ll and MadOne took turns showing clips, MadOne came with quite a number of zombie videos, they showed a trailer for “Tramping Ground” and the crowd pleasing Zombie PSA’s -- a collection of information videos with a zombie bent. My favorite was the story of a chain smoking zombie killer that gets a strange reaction from the humans around him. All the MadOnes were there, from Jaysen to J. Evan (who also was the convention’s Eemcee) to their talented special effects man. We both enjoyed cornering passers-by and haranguing them with anecdotal war stories of our most amazing community-made horror films.

Other activities during the ZombieCon included door prizes (many cool thigs were given away, autographed photos, movies, hardback graphic novels, t-shirts, etc.), a Costume Contest and a Scream Queen Competition. The winner of the costume contest got one hundred dollars in cool, tasty cash and the winner of the Scream Queen contest gets a bit part in an upcoming zombie movie. Yours truely shared judging duty on both contest, with Zombie Mark Bowers, Max Diablo, and Vera VanMunster

Scream Queen Contest, the winner top center, with her crown, top right corner.


Costume Contest, judges at top left, with the winner -- eating her reward, center.

(Above) Some of the weirdos in attendance at the Greensboro ZombieCon

I didn’t know what to expect at the ZombieCon, but I really enjoyed it, and I suggest it as a fun outing for anyone interested in zombie horror and community filmmaking. Look for the next one at Chapel Hill in October, and Mark Bowers has announced that he will return for another convention in Greensboro next year. Mad Ones Films and Hey Ya'll will be at the October ZombieCon showing our films at the Zombie Film Fest Mark is planning for the convention. Hope to see you there!

Were you at the Greensboro ZombieCon? If so, leave a comment with your reflections and feel free to post pictures or links to them!

(<--- Richard Harris from Cabin Fever, not a gnome.)


photos by Phoenix Mangus, Mad One Films, Mark Bowers and Darryl McPierce
written by Phoenix Mangus

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

We are all in agreement ...

We here at the TLC have all talked it over, and those that like horror films think that "30 Days of Night" is the best vampire film we have seen in quite a while. We think that it is so good that, aside from the gore, anyone can enjoy this film.

It is not often that many people can agree on the same movie, but there are those films that seem universal, across the board, that everyone can watch and enjoy.

What films do you think are so good that they transcend their genre and become something a kin mass art?

To give two more examples: "Once" is a film that I believe everyone will like -- unless you are completely cynical. It is a musical without all the conventions people hate about musicals. It is a romance without all the stereotypes found in all other romances. It is a comedy and a drama. It is subtle and fun, without silly twists and unbelievable circumstances. This is a film that has went past its expectations and become a truly universal picture.

"Goodfellas" is another great example, even if you hate Gangster films, this is an absolute must see. The storytelling, acting and Scorsese's beautifully horrorific urban imagery make for a watchable film that, apart from some ultra-violent bits, I am sure everyone will enjoy.

What films do you think are quintessential examples of their genre and could be seen by anyone, whether they like those types of films or not?

Leave a comment with your selection and a brief reason why you think others will like the film. We are not looking for obscure films, we are looking for ones that others may not have given a decent chance. The TLC staff will vote on the three best choices and those people will win one of the following:

1 -- A framed one-sheet of the movie "I am Legend."
2 -- A $10 Gift Certificate to Tate St. Coffee.
3 -- Two Tickets to see a movie at the Carousel Theater.

If you just can't find something to watch,

We know what it is like to look at a slew of things on the shelves and have no idea what to check out. So we have started posting staff picks throughout the collection to give you some ideas. It's impossible to see everything in our collection-though Phoenix has tried-so we hope you can profit from our staff's varied interests.

There was also a big box of new dvd's that arrived yesterday. Give us hopefully a week and they can be yours!

Friday, March 7, 2008

"I want to talk to you about DUCTS" (in Brazil)

Brazil (DV165)
This blog post is presented in new LINK-A-VISION.
Follow the links for surprises galore!

Terry Gilliam works with symbols like no other filmmaker alive or dead. A result of his artistic background, Gilliam has the ability to create a visual vocabulary on screen that strengthens his script. Since film is purely a visual medium, it is important to have creators that can boil the essence of the words on the page down into striking visual metaphors that unconsciously explain the motivations of the characters and the type of world they exist in. Brazil is heavily laden with these cues and most are so subtle that it takes many viewings to untangle all of them. But out of the many symbols Gilliam uses in his mid-80’s masterpiece Brazil, the DUCTS are the most striking

Filmmaking, in general, is an expensive and well-controlled business. The director often finds themselves at war with producers who care only about getting their investment back and making a profit on the film. Because of the rigidness of the industry, very few pointless images are captured to celluloid. Each shot costs money, and as such there should not be anything extraneous within the frame. At first, in Brazil, there seems to be a lot of non-sequitors that serve no function past visual or comedic enjoyment. This statement is very far from true, although there may be some tenuous symbols, Gilliam spends lots of time on the minutest of details exhibited in and around the characters in his fictional world.

Take the aforementioned ducts: upon first seeing the film the audience may think that ducts are there to add Python-esque sur-reality, a silly joke that helps to make the visual frame more interesting. This is a misnomer; they are SO important Gilliam begins his two hour and sixteen minute epic with ducts. Even before the audience has met the dreaming, Quixotian persona of principle character, Sam Lowry, Gilliam shows us a commercial for Central Services, a giant government megalith that seems to be in charge of the maintenance of the ducts. To the observant viewer, the commercial gives many clues as to where the film is heading: “Hi there,” says the central services spokesman, “I want to talk to you about ducts. Do your ducts seem old fashioned, out of date? Central Services new duct designs are now available in hundreds of different colors to suit your individual taste. Hurry now, while stocks last, to your nearest Central Services show room. Designer colors to suit your demanding taste.”

Seems rather innocuous, but in the purely capitalistic monologue Gilliam is letting us in on the state of the unwieldy and paranoid government. These ducts are a surrogate for that government and the spokesman is telling his audience, although you can not change the government – it is already there, as old and clunky as it is, it can no longer be uninstalled – you can instead “dress” your government up in many different colors and coverlets. The citizens do not have an open democracy, so in order to feel they have some control they are given the opportunity to decorate their ducts. It is also interesting that the spokesman mentions ducts that are old fashioned and out of date, possibly inferring that the government suffers the same issue in its de-connectedness to its citizenry.

Throughout the movie, in public shops and private houses, ducts take over everything; they are falling out of the sky, leading to unknown and strange places. They fill the ceiling and take over all free space. Although it seems the citizens have gotten used to them, the ducts are constantly in the way of them living a quiet, private existence -- symbolizing the government’s overt encroachment into all the facets of the people’s life. Just as you can not look around without being reminded of the paperwork-fascism of Gilliam’s Ministry of Information, the characters can not look around without the ducts pulsating over them and invading all of their living quarters.

Almost all of the places that have ducts are not set-up to actually use them in a utilitarian fashion. Instead, it seems the ducts were quickly and sloppily installed, meaning the “big daddy” government in the film was probably quickly and sloppily installed into power. Maybe that is why the Ministry of Information seems so paranoid and why there are “terrorists” that are working against the government (although honestly I am of the opinion that there are no terrorists in Brazil, just false flags and faulty technology). To strengthen this idea, we can look at Sam’s apartment or flat, which seems to be of a much newer type. There, all the technical aspects are built directly into the walls, and it’s only when Sam’s central air breaks down are we given a look at all the hidden mechanics behind the walls. When Central Services shows up at his apartment to “fix” the issue, Sam’s flat becomes completely taken over by what should have remained invisible -- the almost organic, circulatory duct system. As a counterpoint, Sam’s mother’s apartment is extremely old and is not set up to hide the ducts; they snake around all of her antiques and furniture, looking extremely out of place, as do they at the older department stores and restaraunts.

Finally, let’s just take a look at the official definition of “Duct.” This is from Answers.com :

Ducts (n.)
1. An often enclosed passage or channel for conveying a substance, especially a liquid or gas. …
2. A tube or pipe for enclosing electrical cables or wires.
[Latin ductus, act of leading, from past participle of dūcere, to lead.]

What impresses me the most about the above is the epistemology of the word, it comes beginning to end, lead us through Gilliam’s film; ducts are there with us at each important point in the story. Sam meets Harry Tuttle, a rogue heating engineer, when his central air is broken. Tuttle is classified as a terrorist because he wants to work on the ducts without having to do paperwork. Sam loses from the Latin ductus and means the “act of leading,” which slaps the fact across your face that the ducts are tied to the government’s inability to lead in a useful way. Ducts are enclosed systems, much like Brazil’s world -- even when Sam is outside it feels like he is indoors. The Ministry of Information is an enclosed world, the head (Helpmann) enters his penthouse office through an elevator located in the bowels of MOI – the lift could be seen as a duct and although Helpmann moves among them, he never has to be bothered by all the lowly drones. The ducts, from his house due to faulty ducts and lack of appropriate paperwork. Each time we go to the Ministry of Information there are large vacuums connected by ducts sucking up all the dirt (yet another metaphoric symbol). Ducts even send information from one part of the MOI to another and Sam’s final breakdown begins with his destruction of those paperwork carrying ducts, much like when Tuttle switches the air and sewer tubes at Sam’s flat, Sam’s vandalism of the ducts is a direct assault upon the body of the beast, an organic upheaval – the butt where the mouth should be and vice versa.
The only place in Sam’s life that ducts do not interfere is with his dream woman, Jill. Could this be yet another level of attraction that ties the two together? But, as is proven by the ending, the ducts do not care about being ignored or exposed and Sam pays the ultimate price for his actions against the system.

Brazil
is a very intricately put together film and all the little pieces that Gilliam gives you total up to a world with parts missing. It is easily one of the best movies ever made and in it Gilliam is challenging the viewer to connect the dots of the plot by themselves. All the clues are there, it is just a matter of how well the audience can read them. Gilliam best metaphor is his use of ducts, which he employs in a very expressionistic fashion, allowing them to symbolize a lot about the government, from its paranoid encroachment upon its citizens to its inability to function correctly. Instead of telling us, Gilliam shows us, that is the essence of a visual art like film, and as viewers, our job is to enjoy and decipher them. Brazil will keep you lost in the large intestine of its never ending system of symbolic ducts and oppressive tubing, a trip that would make anyone crazy.



Here are the other Terry Gilliam films in the TLC's collection:

With Monty Python's Flying Circus:
Monty Python's Flying Circus, Volumes 4, 16, 17, 18 (VH415, 416, 417, 418)
Monty Python and the Holy Grail (VH4556)
Monty Python's Life of Brian (DV88)
Solo:
Time Bandits (VH6122, 6205)
The Fisher King (DV339)
Twelve Monkeys (VH6583)
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (DV1340-1341)
The Brothers Grimm (DV2449)
Tideland (DV3767-3768 & 3769-3770)

Terry Gilliam is currently in production on a film that seems like a return to his earlier dream trilogy (of which Brazil and Time Bandits are a part) called The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

written by Phoenix "Brazil is only, like, one of my most favorited movies eh-ver." Mangus

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Kudzu of capitalism slinks to the Eastern Block in Czech Dream-Reality TV Meets Documentary

Two Czech students give reality shows a whole new incarnation for their final project in film school with an idea even Morgan Spurlock of Super Size Me fame covets. They fashion and promote a capitalist dream- a shop till you drop big box store (or hypermarket as the Czech lingo goes) which in reality is but a 100 foot façade supported by scaffolding in the back.

Fashion make-overs transform and groom the filmmakers into store managers. A top notch and expensive ad team steps up to the plate with logos, graphics and slogans. Customers are invited to dream up store names. Amore, Harmony and Cornucopia are contenders. A soggy “We are the world” anthem groans throughout the background. Focus groups assess the pitches. One market analysis even equips a potential customer with a head camera that measures what part of the ads she focuses on just to make sure all manner of manipulation has been explored.

Do they fall for it? The proverbial first in line is there 3 hours before opening, but the numbers soon swell to 2000 by the time opening ceremonies start. The herds assemble for the lure of unbelievable savings-they seem to all want the digital camera-and free gifts. As the ribbon is cut, the gates open, and the blood lust of bargain shopping takes over. Those first to confront the hoax laugh, cuss or just feel like idiots. If it is too good to be true, it probably isn’t.

But do the hungry bargain hunters now looking like mindless sheep grazing in the adjacent meadow punch anyone out? Remarkably no. They focus on the realization that the experience is not that far from the empty promises of a manipulative government. As one points out, “Our politicians make fools out of 10 million.”

Oscar winners on the way!

The next couple of weeks will bring a slew of dvd's we've been waiting for. Be on the look out for:

Atonement
No country for old men
There willl be blood

Monday, March 3, 2008

Poster Giveaway!

This week we are giving away our back log of movie posters.

How do you get one?

Leave a comment telling us the title of your favorite movie. Below your movie leave your name and three posters you want, in order of preference. In the event that more than one person wants the same poster we will randomly pick the winner.

Here are the posters we are giving away:

Introducing the Dwights
White Noise 2
Joshua
Sunshine
Once
Michael Clayton
Saw IV
Dragon Wars

This is first come, first get and is good for this week only: Monday, March 3rd through the 10th.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

DVD Reviews: Eastern Promises, Sunshine, Shoot 'Em Up, Dragon Wars, and Star Wars: Clone War

Eastern Promises (DV4864, 4865)

This is David Cronenberg’s new film, and, as usual, Cronenberg puts together an amazing and stellar, thinking person’s movie. In Cronenberg’s three decade plus career, he has really evolved as a director (from surreal slasher-horror to well-paced drama) and Eastern Promises could easily be described as his best effort to date. Cronenberg works with visual symbols like no other director and Eastern Promises is full of imagery that solidifes the libertine script. For those out there who may be expecting a usual gangster film, you must be warned, Eastern Promises is cerebral and beautiful, the ultra-violent fight sequences book-ended by a heavily plotted script and a microscopic focus on the characters. There are no crazy shoot 'em up sequences, only hand-to-hand, close-up, brutal and believable mob violence. Cronenberg chooses to look as closely on his main character as we want to look at Viggo Mortensen’s tattoos – tattoos that tell the story of the man wearing them, if you know how to read them. Mortensen and Cronenberg are a match made in film nerd heaven and I hope they make more movies together; they both have a focus and commitment to their work that raises it past pop-corn movies and into the realm of narrative art.

Mortensen knows as much about the life of the character he plays as would the real man -- if he existed. Before the film, Mortensen traveled Russia, hanging out with the same type of mobsters he portrays, you can see and feel it in every move Mortensen makes and every word Mortensen speaks. By far, this is some of the best work by both auteurs, and, as a result, Eastern Promises is one of the best films released this year. It a criminal shame that the Academy almost completely ignored it, Eastern Promises should have been nominated for Best Screenplay, Best Cinematography, Best Picture and Best Director. Although Mortensen did gain a nod for his lead role, there is no guarantee that his amazing performance will garner anything in the face of perennial political favorite Daniel Day-Lewis. Eastern Promises is a keeper, and one that will be on my shelf soon, better than A History of Violence (DV2741) with different and ground-breaking scenes, like the fully nude fight sequence that will leave you shaking in shock (only Mortensen is nude ladies, and nothing is left to the imagination). Where most movies of the past year were made for unthinking couch potatoes, Eastern Promises is a well-crafted movie for people who love to be inspired and challenged during a filme. Amazing writing, acting and directing all around, Eastern Promises is heavily recommended.


Sunshine (DV4852, 4897)

Sunshine is the type of movie where you should not listen to what anyone else says about it -- you will have to watch it and make up your own mind. For me, Sunshine is a really smart, really engaging science-fiction film. It’s only downfall comes with its frame story -- the sun isn’t going to dim and die for (at least) another few billion years, but that huge issue does not detract from this well-crafted film. The ensemble cast plays together believably, due to very tight casting, and the director insistence on comradely. The claustrophobic atmosphere works great for the plot and the bad guy (as such) is truly freaky. Directed by someone I consider to be one of the more ignored but talented filmmakers in the world, Danny Boyle – he also directed Shallow Grave, Trainspotting (DV4130-4131) and 28 Days Later (DV457) (Boyle also produced the sequel, 28 Weeks Later [DV 4431]) – in Sunshine, Boyle’s imagery is as memorable and creepy as 28 Days Later, but where 28 was dark and scary from what it only represented, Sunshine shows us the break down and horror of the ship’s mission in full, blinding light, making us, as an audience, wish for the darkness gifted to the psychotic bad guy that terrorizes the crew towards the end of the film. Boyle uses outer space in a believable way staging some very suspenseful sequences. If you are expecting blood and guts (like 28 Weeks Later), this isn’t the film – although there is quite a bit of both – this film is psychological in its presentation and intelligent in its writing. I can understand why Sunshine fared so poorly in the US, most American audiences have lost all interest in thinking during a film and would rather stare open mouthed and drooling at whatever may be on the screen. Boyle doesn’t allow that in Sunshine, and if you do, you will miss a lot and probably think the movie stinks, but it is not Sunshine that stinks – just your lazy brain -- and it’s stinking up the whole internet. Whew! Another highly recommended flick, this is a good one to watch in a darkened room with your cutie pie sitting next to you.

Shoot ‘em Up (DV4832)

This film is a roller coaster -- a fast, wind-blowing carriage that will send you flying through the movie at the fastest speed. As a result, and just like a coaster, most of the movie is forgotten right after you finish it, days afterward you will remember a scene and go, “Oh yeah, that WAS in the movie.” Shoot ‘Em Up is exactly what the title implies and it makes no apologies about it. It is all style and no substance, the film rolls right over you like a fast train which you never truly get a good look at it, instead you just let it pass as you try to take in as much as you can. Not to say this film isn’t fun, but that is all it is, a mindless movie for a night when you may need mindless entertainment. Clive Owen and Paul Giamatti do a good job in the film, when they actually deliver lines and are not running around shooting and screaming. Monica Bellucci ends up just being the titties of the film – so much attention are brought to her milk-filled mammaries that you get really thirsty every time Monica is on the screen. So, don’t expect anything smart with this one, just a very amusing sex scene/fight/shoot ‘em up sequence between Owen, Bellucci and the guys trying to kill them (one of the high points of this film), lots of shooting, lots of death and lots of running around with no clear idea of what to do. Yes, this movie is a chicken with its head removed. There are times that the writer and director Michael Davis comes up with some pretty original ideas, but since they are all hidden in a very common plot, the original parts fly by faster than the bullets shot out of the main character's guns. Don't get me wrong, there is a lot of fun in this film, I throughly enjoyed Clive Owen's carrot eating, Bugs Bunny-esque shooter and some of the gun scenes are extremely well-structured, but if you are looking for Shakespeare, do not look here if, instead if you are looking to sit on your couch blank-faced, mouth open, with drool oozing over your exposed tongue -- than Shoot 'em Up is the thorazine for you!

Dragon Wars (DV )

Do not be confused about what may be one of the most sexually propagandic films I have ever seen. Upon first watching, one may think it is just a silly B-movie giant monster film that harkens back to the nuclear scare films of the 50’s. Well, I wish it was that easy, instead Dragon Wars proves itself to be a film denigrating black men and their sexual role in society. In Dragon Wars, a black and a white serpent are both vying for the same white woman -- whichever gets to the hot chick first will be rewarded by being turned into an immortal and all powerful dragon. Possibly, a metaphor for how a guy feels after having succeeded, at love, where his friends have only failed. During the entire running time of this film two men, one young and one old (the young one also wants to serpent the girl, but the old man no longer worries about sex, I hear Vigara usually fixes that), cakeblock the black serpent at every turn, each worrying excessively about what would come of society if the black serpent got the white chick. “It would be the end of all civilization!” says the old racist man. And to nail that point home, the makers of the film stage a huge CG riot in downtown L.A., then link the property damaged to the black serpent’s misunderstood posse. There hasn't been a travesty of justice this bad since OJ was arrested. The overt, sexual racism of this film made it really hard to watch, but I did get through it and -- other than the sexual politics that date back to the 20’s -- I enjoyed this silly giant monster movie. Just be very aware that the filmmakers are trying to brainwash you into thinking interracial relationships will be the end of our civilization, to which I say: if the world is still going strong after Michael Jackson married the Presley daughter then the world should also make it through giant black serpents dating white chicks.

Stars Wars: Clone Wars (DV)

This cartoon was originally broadcast on the Cartoon Network in 5 min sections just a few months before the release of the third Lucas film. It is directed by the ultra-talented Genndy Tartakovsky, who also brought us Dexter’s Laboratory, episodes of Powerpuff Girls and Samurai Jack. Clone Wars is awesome, and watching it makes you wonder why George Lucas didn’t make the new movies as cool as this cartoon. It must have gotten Lucas wondering too, because he is currently working on a film version of this cartoon series, however; Tartakovsky is not directing – he is busy bringing the Dark Crystal (VH7725) back to the screen as The Power of the Dark Crystal (and here and here). May the force be with him on that project because Genndy could single-handedly resurrect the Henson Company like he helped Lucas inject some much needed hipness into Lucas’ own propped up Star Wars uber-franchise. Clone Wars exhibit some absolute great work by Yartakovsky and any true fan of the original Star Wars trilogy will love this cartoon since it has the cool fight sequences that the new Star Wars trilogy should have had.

A personal note from me to George Lucas: PLEASE RETIRE, you senile little Ewok, you are totally destroying your own legacy! You are so damn rich now you do not have to ever make another movie again (thank God!), so please DO NOT MAKE ANOTHER MOVIE EVER AGAIN! I would have wished for you to disappear before you ruined the Indiana Jones franchise (trailer for number 4), but alas, it is too late for that, isn’t it? Harrison Ford is 66! That would have Indy fighting Nazis in the late 1960’s – c’mon, give me a friggen’ break already! Could someone please lock Lucas in his room so he will stop screwing up my childhood? What is next, Indiana Jones and the Nazi Botox of Everlasting Profits? Seriously Lucas, enuff is enuff!

George Lucas, on the set of his newest film "2010: An American Space Graffitti"


by Phoenix Mangus and the Search for the Last Decent Film of the Lucas Kingdom

(Ewok-Lucas photo shopped by Phoenix, too.)